As I sit here in an SPW Starwood hotel called the Le Parker Meridian in New York City I am surprised by the shear size of Central Park. It is so much bigger then I realized. I am thrilled to have such a beautiful view but the crazy thing about it is that really I’m only looking at a bunch of sky scrapers and the mostly rusty colored leafless branches on the trees in Central park. If it was anywhere other than New York City would I think the same? No matter, I am completely happy none the less and am glad to realize that I can also see the George Washington bridge. It is amazing to be in NYC and I’m thrilled that it is January 3rd 2016. 2015 is over. It was a tough year for me because I let life and stress overcome me. For some reason I know that I am over it and life is going to be better and easier now. It is going to take some effort, but I think I can get my mind and body in a much better place than it has been. I think I can become the positive person I have been in the past again. Not only do I need to leave behind the grief of losing my Dad, I also need to determine how to get the currently unhealthy relationship with my husband back to a healthy place where we aren’t so mean and angry all the time. I need to move past the anxiety driven state that I have been in taking care of my daughter in a new location and into a place where I am more patient and relaxed most of the time.
In the past week I watched as my Dad’s ashes fell to the bottom of the Ocean City Maryland bay and I got into a huge screaming fight with my husband while my daughter and some of my extended family were in the car. It made me realize how completely unhealthy my husband and my relationship has gotten. It also made me realize that I can’t keep holding my emotions in. It is having a negative effect on my mind and body. Both events are a turning point for me. A wakeup call to get me back on track.
Why am I being honest about this? Why not…even a positive yoga teacher can get off track. That is why I started doing yoga in the first place, to get through the muck and emerge into a beautiful place like the lotus flower.
I want a fresh start and new beginning. My question is…who is with me on this journey?